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Episode 2: "Dome and Domer"

Written for Ken Mendoza

COLD OPEN
ESTABLISHING SHOT: San Francisco City Hall exterior at sunset. The dome is bathed in golden light.
NARRATOR: San Francisco City Hall. Home to corrupt politicians, overpriced weddings, and a mysterious dome that's 42 feet taller than the U.S. Capitol dome. But why? What secrets lie within those extra 42 feet?
INT. CITY HALL ROTUNDA - EVENING
The boys are packing up their photography gear after a long day. STAN checks memory cards, KYLE wraps cables, KENNY disassembles lighting equipment, and CARTMAN sits on the stairs scrolling on his phone.
STAN
Dude, I'm so tired of shooting city council meetings. Six hours of old people arguing about parking meters.
KYLE
At least we got paid. And we got some good portfolio shots of the rotunda.
CARTMAN
(still looking at phone, suddenly interested)
Holy shit you guys! Did you know the City Hall dome is 42 feet taller than the U.S. Capitol dome?
KYLE
Yeah, everyone knows that. It's literally on every tour brochure.
CARTMAN
But why, Kyle? WHY is it 42 feet taller?
STAN
(annoyed)
Because San Francisco has a massive inferiority complex?
CARTMAN
(standing dramatically)
Or... because they needed the extra space to hide ALIEN TECHNOLOGY!
Stan, Kyle, and Kenny stop what they're doing and stare at Cartman.
KYLE
What the hell are you talking about, fatass?
CARTMAN
Think about it! Why else would they need exactly 42 feet? That's the answer to life, the universe, and everything! It's all connected!
Cartman points up at the dome dramatically. The other boys follow his gaze. For a brief moment, a strange blue light seems to pulse within the dome, but it quickly disappears.
KENNY
(muffled)
Mmph mmph mmmph mmm? (Translation: Did you guys see that?)
STAN
See what?
CARTMAN
(eyes wide)
The aliens are watching us right now! I'm going to expose this conspiracy and become famous!
KYLE
(sighs)
Here we go again.
A CUSTODIAN walks by, pushing a cart.
CUSTODIAN
(casually)
You kids better get out soon. The dome activates at night.
The custodian continues walking, as if he said nothing unusual. The boys look at each other.
STAN
What did he just say?
CARTMAN
(excited)
I KNEW IT! The dome activates at night! It's all true!
KENNY
(muffled)
Mmph mmmph mm mmphm! (Translation: I think we should leave!)
As Kenny speaks, a ceiling tile falls and crushes him. Blood splatters everywhere.
STAN
Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
KYLE
You bastards! That was a perfectly good ceiling tile!
The lights in the building suddenly dim, and the dome above begins to glow with an eerie blue light.
CARTMAN
(recording with his phone)
This is Eric Cartman, coming to you live from inside the alien-controlled San Francisco City Hall dome! The truth will be revealed!
FADE TO BLACK
TITLE SEQUENCE PLAYS
ACT ONE
INT. CARTMAN'S BEDROOM - MORNING
Cartman sits at his computer, editing a video titled "DOME TRUTH: The Aliens Among Us." His bedroom walls are covered with photos of the City Hall dome, newspaper clippings, and red string connecting various points.
CARTMAN
(narrating his video)
The evidence is clear, sheeple! The San Francisco City Hall dome is exactly 42 feet taller than the U.S. Capitol dome. Why 42? Because it's the answer to life, the universe, and everything! The aliens have been hiding in plain sight since 1915!
Cartman types furiously, adding dramatic music and lens flares to his video.
CARTMAN
And now... for the money shot!
He adds the blurry footage of the dome glowing from the previous night.
CARTMAN
(excited)
Perfect! This video is going to blow the lid off this whole conspiracy!
EXT. STAN'S HOUSE - MORNING
Stan walks out his front door with his camera bag. Kyle is waiting for him.
KYLE
Dude, have you seen Cartman's video?
STAN
What video?
Kyle holds up his phone, showing Cartman's "DOME TRUTH" video, which already has 500,000 views.
KYLE
This stupid dome conspiracy video. It's going viral!
STAN
(watching)
Oh Jesus Christ...
On the phone screen, Cartman speaks dramatically over images of the dome.
CARTMAN
(on video)
I'm risking my life to bring you this truth! The San Francisco elites don't want you to know about the alien mothership disguised as a dome! Wake up, America!
STAN
He's such an idiot.
KYLE
Yeah, but now we're going to be associated with this. We're supposed to be professional photographers!
Stan's dad, RANDY, bursts out the front door wearing a tinfoil hat and carrying photography equipment.
RANDY
(excited)
Stan! Stan! Did you see the dome truth video? I've been saying this for years! The dome is a cosmic energy receiver! I'm going to photograph the dome's energy patterns!
STAN
(embarrassed)
Dad, it's not real. Cartman is just being Cartman.
RANDY
That's exactly what they want you to think, Stan! I've been working on a special camera filter that can capture dome energy. I call it... the Dominator!
Randy holds up a regular camera with aluminum foil and Christmas lights taped around the lens.
RANDY
This baby can see right through the alien cloaking technology!
STAN
(to Kyle)
Let's just go to work.
EXT. CITY HALL - MORNING
Stan and Kyle arrive at City Hall to find the area swarming with CONSPIRACY THEORISTS, TOURISTS, and NEWS CREWS. People are taking photos of the dome and wearing tinfoil hats.
KYLE
What the hell?
Cartman stands on the steps, surrounded by admirers, selling merchandise: "DOME TRUTH" t-shirts, tinfoil hats, and "Alien Protection Amulets."
CARTMAN
(to crowd)
That's right, folks! For just $49.99, you can protect yourself from the alien mind control rays! And for an additional $30, I'll throw in an exclusive photo of the dome's activation sequence!
Stan and Kyle push through the crowd to reach Cartman.
KYLE
(angry)
Cartman, what the hell do you think you're doing?
CARTMAN
(smugly)
I'm educating the public about the dome conspiracy, Kyle. And making some well-deserved profit in the process.
STAN
You're spreading stupid lies!
CARTMAN
Are they lies, Stan? Are they? Then explain THIS!
Cartman holds up his phone showing the blurry video of the dome glowing blue.
KYLE
That could be anything! You probably just added the glow in editing!
CARTMAN
(to crowd)
You hear that, folks? The government deniers are here to silence us! But we know the truth! The dome knows all!
The crowd cheers. A woman pushes forward.
WOMAN
My cousin's neighbor's dog walker saw a real alien in the dome last week! It had three heads!
MAN
I heard the dome is actually a portal to another dimension!
Mayor McDome pushes through the crowd, looking agitated.
MAYOR McDOME
What the hell is going on here? Who's spreading rumors about my dome?
CARTMAN
(dramatically)
Mayor McDome! Or should I say... ALIEN AMBASSADOR McDOME?
The crowd gasps.
MAYOR McDOME
(nervous)
What? That's... that's ridiculous! There are no aliens in the dome! The dome is 42 feet taller simply because... um... because...
CARTMAN
(smirking)
Can't come up with a cover story, Mayor? The truth is out!
MAYOR McDOME
(whispering to an aide)
Get me the real reason the dome is 42 feet taller! Now!
KYLE
(to Stan)
We need to stop this before it gets completely out of hand.
STAN
It's already out of hand! Look!
They see KENNY arriving, dressed in an alien costume, taking photos with tourists for $10 each.
KENNY
(muffled)
Mmph mmph mm mmph! (Translation: Alien photo op, ten bucks!)
KYLE
Even Kenny's cashing in on this?
STAN
We're so screwed.
A NEWS REPORTER approaches Stan and Kyle with a microphone.
REPORTER
You boys are photographers at City Hall. Have you noticed anything strange about the dome? Any alien activity you'd like to comment on?
STAN
There are no aliens in the dome! This is all bull--
Before Stan can finish, a bright beam of blue light suddenly shoots down from the dome, hitting Kenny's alien costume. Kenny begins to levitate.
KENNY
(panicked, muffled)
MMMPPHH!! MMMPPPHHH!!! (Translation: HOLY SHIT!! HELP ME!!!)
The crowd watches in shock as Kenny floats upward. Suddenly, the alien costume catches fire, and Kenny explodes in a shower of gore.
STAN
Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
KYLE
You bastards! That was our only alien costume!
The crowd goes wild. Cartman looks shocked but quickly regains his composure.
CARTMAN
(to crowd)
You see? The dome has claimed its first victim! Who's a conspiracy theorist now?
MAYOR McDOME
(panicking)
This is all a misunderstanding! There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for the boy in the costume exploding! It's... it's a City Hall tradition!
The crowd isn't buying it. They begin to chant "DOME TRUTH! DOME TRUTH!"
Stan and Kyle exchange worried glances as the scene descends into chaos.
FADE TO COMMERCIAL
ACT TWO
INT. CITY HALL - MAYOR'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
Mayor McDome paces anxiously while her STAFF tries to calm her down. Through the window, we can see the crowd of conspiracy theorists has grown even larger.
MAYOR McDOME
This is a disaster! We have to contain this situation before it gets any worse!
AIDE
Ma'am, I found the information about the dome. It's 42 feet taller than the Capitol dome because the architect, Arthur Brown Jr., was a huge Douglas Adams fan and—
MAYOR McDOME
(interrupting)
I don't care about the real reason! We need a cover story that these idiots will believe! And we need to figure out why that beam shot out of the dome and killed the poor kid in the alien costume!
AIDE
(nervously)
About that... building maintenance says they were testing the new LED dome lighting system. The kid must have had some flammable material in his costume.
MAYOR McDOME
(relieved)
Perfect! We'll go with that! Schedule a press conference immediately.
The Ghost of Diane Feinstein appears, visible only to Mayor McDome.
GHOST OF FEINSTEIN
(ominously)
The dome protects its secrets... as it has since 1915...
MAYOR McDOME
(startled)
Did anyone else hear that?
Her staff looks confused. The ghost disappears.
EXT. CITY HALL STEPS - AFTERNOON
Stan and Kyle push through the growing crowd of conspiracy theorists, dome truthers, and tourists. Cartman has set up a full merchandise booth and is selling "I Survived the Dome Attack" t-shirts.
STAN
This is getting way out of control.
KYLE
We need to find out what really happened with that light beam. There has to be a rational explanation.
They spot BUTTERS wearing a tinfoil hat and selling "Dome Protection Crystals."
STAN
Butters? Not you too!
BUTTERS
(cheerfully)
Oh, hey fellas! Eric said I could keep 10% of the crystal sales! They protect you from alien mind control!
KYLE
Those are just pieces of broken glass painted green!
BUTTERS
Well, Eric says they're special alien-repelling crystals! And people are buying 'em like hotcakes!
Randy approaches, wearing an elaborate tinfoil hat with antennas and carrying his modified camera.
RANDY
Boys! Boys! I've been taking dome energy photos all morning! Look!
Randy shows them his camera screen, which displays normal photos of the dome but with lens flares and light leaks that he's clearly created by damaging his lens.
RANDY
(excited)
See these energy patterns? The dome is trying to communicate! I call this new photography technique "Domography"! I'm going to revolutionize the field!
STAN
(facepalms)
Dad, you just ruined your camera lens.
RANDY
(defensive)
You don't understand art, Stan! This is going to be bigger than Ansel Adams!
A loud feedback noise interrupts them as Mayor McDome takes the podium at the top of the City Hall steps.
MAYOR McDOME
(into microphone)
Citizens of San Francisco! I want to address the rumors about our beautiful City Hall dome. There are NO aliens in the dome! The incident this morning was simply a test of our new LED lighting system that went awry.
The crowd boos.
CARTMAN
(shouting)
Then why is the dome exactly 42 feet taller than the Capitol dome? EXPLAIN THAT!
CROWD
YEAH! EXPLAIN THAT!
MAYOR McDOME
(nervously)
Well, you see, the dome is... um... 42 feet taller because... because San Francisco is better than Washington D.C.! That's why!
The crowd murmurs, somewhat satisfied with this explanation.
CARTMAN
(to Kyle)
She's lying. I can tell.
KYLE
For once, I actually agree with you.
STAN
Something weird is going on. We should investigate.
CARTMAN
(excited)
Yes! The Dome Truth Squad! I'll get t-shirts made!
KYLE
No t-shirts! We're just going to quietly look into this.
Kenny arrives, somehow alive again and wearing his normal orange parka.
KENNY
(muffled)
Mmph mmph mm mmphmmm? (Translation: What did I miss?)
STAN
Dude, you got killed by a beam from the dome.
KENNY
(muffled, shrugging)
Mmph mm mmm. (Translation: Oh, that again.)
INT. CITY HALL - MAINTENANCE ROOM - EVENING
The boys sneak into a dimly lit maintenance room filled with electrical panels and control systems. Kenny nervously looks around.
KYLE
There must be something here that controls the dome lighting.
CARTMAN
Or the alien cloaking device!
Stan finds a control panel labeled "DOME ILLUMINATION SYSTEM."
STAN
Guys, check this out.
The boys gather around the panel, which has various settings: "REGULAR," "HOLIDAY," "PRIDE," "SPORTS TEAM," and a mysterious button labeled "42."
CARTMAN
(gasping)
The 42 button! I KNEW IT! Press it!
KYLE
Don't press it! It might be dangerous!
CARTMAN
(reaching for button)
I'm pressing it for science!
As Cartman and Kyle struggle, Kenny accidentally backs into another panel, which opens to reveal a strange glowing device that doesn't look like normal electrical equipment.
KENNY
(muffled)
Mmph mmmph! (Translation: Holy shit!)
The others stop fighting and turn to see the device.
CARTMAN
(triumphantly)
ALIEN TECHNOLOGY! I was right!
KYLE
That's... that's not normal electrical equipment.
Stan cautiously approaches the glowing device.
STAN
What the hell is this thing?
Before anyone can answer, they hear footsteps approaching. They quickly hide behind some equipment as two MAINTENANCE WORKERS enter.
MAINTENANCE WORKER 1
I'm telling you, ever since they installed that new 5G transmitter in the dome, weird stuff has been happening.
MAINTENANCE WORKER 2
It's not a 5G transmitter. That's just what they tell us. I've worked here 30 years, and I've seen things you wouldn't believe.
MAINTENANCE WORKER 1
Like what?
MAINTENANCE WORKER 2
(looking around nervously)
Like people going into the dome for maintenance and coming back... different.
The boys exchange shocked glances.
MAINTENANCE WORKER 1
Different how?
MAINTENANCE WORKER 2
(whispering)
More... efficient. And they all started eating kale. In San Francisco, nobody notices because everyone's weird already.
Kenny accidentally knocks over a toolbox, making a loud noise. The workers turn.
MAINTENANCE WORKER 1
Who's there?
The boys make a run for it. As they flee, Kenny trips and falls directly into the strange glowing device. There's a bright flash, and Kenny is vaporized.
STAN
Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
KYLE
You bastards! That was our only direct evidence of alien technology!
The boys continue running as the maintenance workers chase after them.
FADE TO COMMERCIAL
ACT THREE
EXT. CITY HALL - NIGHT
The crowd of conspiracy theorists has grown into a full-blown encampment. People have set up tents, food vendors, and a stage where a band plays songs about alien conspiracies. Signs read "DOME TRUTH NOW" and "42 = ALIENS."
Stan, Kyle, and Cartman push through the crowd, out of breath from running.
STAN
(panting)
We... we need to tell someone what we saw.
KYLE
But who would believe us?
CARTMAN
(excited)
Believe us? I have thousands of followers now! I'm going live!
Cartman pulls out his phone and starts a livestream.
CARTMAN
(to phone)
Dome Truthers! This is Eric Cartman coming to you live with BREAKING NEWS! We have just discovered actual alien technology inside City Hall! Our brave comrade Kenny gave his life to bring you this truth!
KYLE
(to Stan)
We don't even know what that thing was! It could have been anything!
STAN
It definitely wasn't normal. And what about what those maintenance guys said?
Randy appears, his "Domography" camera equipment now even more elaborate, with prisms, crystals, and tiny mirrors attached.
RANDY
Boys! I've made a breakthrough! I've photographed the dome's energy field!
Randy shows them his camera screen. Through all the jury-rigged filters, the dome appears to have a faint aura around it.
RANDY
(excited)
The dome is communicating through light frequencies! And I can hear it through this special receiver!
Randy puts on a headset made of colanders and wire hangers.
STAN
(annoyed)
Dad, you're being ridiculous.
RANDY
(suddenly serious)
Wait... I'm getting something... The dome is saying... "The truth is 42 feet above you."
CARTMAN
(gasps)
42 feet! That's the exact height difference! We need to get to the top of the dome!
KYLE
No way! Kenny already died twice today because of this dome obsession!
Mayor McDome emerges from City Hall, flanked by SECURITY GUARDS. She looks nervous and is wearing a subtle tinfoil lining inside her hat.
MAYOR McDOME
(through megaphone)
Everyone must disperse immediately! The dome... I mean, the building is closed for emergency maintenance!
CROWD
(chanting)
WHAT ARE YOU HIDING? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?
CARTMAN
(to crowd through megaphone)
City Hall has alien technology! We've seen it with our own eyes! Mayor McDome is covering it up!
The crowd becomes more agitated. Mayor McDome whispers to her security detail, who begin moving toward Cartman.
KYLE
(to Stan)
This is getting dangerous. We need to figure out what's really going on before someone else gets hurt.
STAN
I have an idea. My dad's camera setup is ridiculous, but what if there is something unusual about the dome that only shows up on certain frequencies?
KYLE
Like what? Alien signals?
STAN
I don't know about aliens, but maybe there's something up there that wasn't in the original plans. Something 42 feet up from where the Capitol dome would end.
As they talk, security guards surround Cartman and confiscate his megaphone. The crowd begins to push against the police barricades.
INT. CITY HALL DOME ACCESS - NIGHT
Stan and Kyle sneak through a restricted door that leads to the dome access stairs. They carry their camera equipment.
KYLE
I can't believe we're doing this.
STAN
We need to know the truth, dude.
They climb the narrow spiral staircase that leads up into the dome structure. The higher they go, the more the walls seem to have a faint blue glow.
KYLE
(nervous)
Do you see that glow?
STAN
Yeah... weird.
They reach a door marked "DOME ACCESS - AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY." Beyond it is the interior structure of the dome.
KYLE
This is definitely not allowed.
STAN
Since when do we care about that?
They open the door and enter the dome's interior framework. Steel beams and supports create a complex geometric pattern. In the very center, 42 feet above where the Capitol dome height would end, is a strange circular device embedded in the structure.
STAN
(pointing)
What the hell is that?
The device is metallic with glowing blue components. It's clearly not part of the original dome construction.
KYLE
That does not look like normal building equipment.
STAN
Take photos. No one will believe this without evidence.
As Kyle takes photos, the device suddenly activates. The blue glow intensifies, and a holographic display appears, showing strange symbols and diagrams.
KYLE
(shocked)
Holy shit! Cartman was right?!
STAN
This can't be happening.
The door behind them opens. They turn to see Mayor McDome and two MEN IN BLACK-style agents.
MAYOR McDOME
(sighing)
I was afraid someone would find this.
STAN
Mayor McDome! What is this thing?
MAYOR McDOME
Boys, what I'm about to tell you is classified at the highest levels. That device was installed in 1915 when the dome was constructed. It's... it's...
KYLE
(panicked)
It's alien technology, isn't it?
MAYOR McDOME
(laughing)
Alien technology? God no! It's a 5G transmitter!
Stan and Kyle look confused.
STAN
But... 5G wasn't invented until...
MAYOR McDOME
(winking)
Wasn't it? Or was it created long ago and only recently released to the public?
AGENT 1
Mayor, you're saying too much.
MAYOR McDOME
(to agents)
These boys deserve to know the truth. They've come this far.
The mayor turns back to Stan and Kyle.
MAYOR McDOME
San Francisco has always been at the forefront of technology. The extra 42 feet of the dome houses the world's first and most powerful 5G transmitter, installed over a century ago. It's been broadcasting free Wi-Fi to the entire city since 1915.
KYLE
But... the internet wasn't invented until the 1960s...
MAYOR McDOME
(smiling mysteriously)
Wasn't it? Think about it, boys. How else do you think San Francisco became such a tech hub?
The device pulses with blue light. Outside, they can hear the crowd getting more agitated.
MAYOR McDOME
Now, I need you boys to help me calm this situation. If people knew about our secret Wi-Fi, everyone would want it. We can only support so many connections!
STAN
So there's no alien conspiracy?
MAYOR McDOME
(laughing)
Aliens? Please! That's ridiculous! Although, between us, the technology might have been... inspired by unusual sources.
The agents clear their throats nervously.
MAYOR McDOME
(quickly)
But definitely not aliens! Now, will you help me calm down the crowd? I'll make it worth your while. How about exclusive photography rights to all City Hall events for a year?
KYLE
(to Stan)
That would be huge for our business.
STAN
(suspicious)
I don't know...
The Ghost of Diane Feinstein appears, visible to everyone this time.
GHOST OF FEINSTEIN
The dome has provided for San Francisco for over a century. Its secrets must be protected.
STAN
(to ghost)
So it's really just... Wi-Fi?
GHOST OF FEINSTEIN
(mysteriously)
The dome provides what San Francisco needs. In 1915, it was hope. Today, it is connectivity. Tomorrow... who knows?
The ghost fades away.
KYLE
(to Stan)
Dude, if we get exclusive photo rights, we could make thousands.
STAN
(sighing)
Fine. We'll help.
FADE TO COMMERCIAL
ACT FOUR
EXT. CITY HALL STEPS - NIGHT
The crowd has grown even larger and more agitated. Cartman stands on a makeshift stage, whipping everyone into a frenzy.
CARTMAN
(shouting)
The dome truth cannot be silenced! What are they hiding? ALIEN TECHNOLOGY!
CROWD
(chanting)
ALIEN TECH! ALIEN TECH!
Stan, Kyle, and Mayor McDome emerge from City Hall and approach the podium. The crowd quiets down.
MAYOR McDOME
(into microphone)
Citizens! I want to introduce two young photographers who have been investigating the dome. They have discovered the truth, and I've authorized them to share it with you.
The mayor steps aside, and Stan takes the microphone nervously.
STAN
(into microphone)
Um, hi everyone. We've just been inside the dome, and we found out why it's 42 feet taller than the Capitol dome.
The crowd leans forward in anticipation.
KYLE
(into microphone)
It's... it's...
Suddenly, a bright beam of light shoots down from the dome, illuminating Cartman. He begins to float upward.
CARTMAN
(terrified)
Oh shit! HELP! THEY'RE TAKING ME TO THEIR LEADER!
The crowd gasps as Cartman floats up toward the dome. Then, just as suddenly, the beam releases him, and he falls into a nearby tree, getting stuck in the branches.
STAN
(to Kyle, whispering)
What the hell was that?
KYLE
(shrugging)
I have no idea.
The Mayor quickly steps back to the microphone.
MAYOR McDOME
(nervously)
As you can see, we're having some technical difficulties with our... 5G system! Yes, that's it! The dome contains San Francisco's original 5G transmitter, installed in 1915!
CROWD MEMBER
But 5G wasn't invented until recently!
MAYOR McDOME
(confidently)
That's what they WANT you to think! San Francisco has had 5G for over a century! Why do you think we have so many tech companies? We're special!
The crowd murmurs, considering this.
RANDY
(from crowd)
That explains why my dome energy photos look like Instagram filters! It's 5G radiation!
Randy holds up his camera triumphantly.
RANDY
I've invented 5G photography! I call it "Five-Gography"!
STAN
(facepalming)
Oh God...
MAYOR McDOME
(enthusiastic)
Yes! San Francisco has always been ahead of the curve! And to celebrate our city's technological superiority, I'm announcing free Wi-Fi for everyone... within 50 feet of City Hall!
The crowd cheers. People immediately pull out their phones to test the Wi-Fi.
CROWD MEMBER
(amazed)
Holy crap! I'm getting 10 gigabits per second!
Cartman, still stuck in the tree, looks confused and betrayed.
CARTMAN
(shouting)
No! Don't believe them! It's aliens! ALIENS!
No one is listening to him anymore. The crowd is too busy enjoying the super-fast Wi-Fi and taking selfies with the dome.
CARTMAN
(desperate)
This isn't over! I know what I saw! The truth will come out!
The tree branch breaks, and Cartman falls, landing on Kenny who has just returned. Both are crushed.
STAN
Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
KYLE
You bastards! And Cartman too, but nobody really cares about that.
The Mayor approaches Stan and Kyle.
MAYOR McDOME
(quietly)
Thank you, boys. Crisis averted. Here's your exclusive photography contract for all City Hall events. Oh, and... if you could delete those photos from inside the dome...
KYLE
(hesitantly)
You're sure it's just 5G? Nothing... extraterrestrial?
MAYOR McDOME
(winking)
Of course it's just 5G! And remember, if anyone asks, that's all you saw.
The Mayor walks away, adjusting her tinfoil-lined hat.
STAN
(to Kyle)
Dude, do you believe her?
KYLE
I don't know what to believe anymore. But hey, we got the exclusive contract. That's what matters, right?
STAN
I guess... but something still feels off.
As they talk, neither notices the Ghost of Diane Feinstein floating above them, smiling mysteriously. She touches the dome, causing it to pulse with blue light momentarily.
EXT. CITY HALL - DAYS LATER
Life has returned to normal at City Hall. The conspiracy crowd has dispersed, replaced by the usual tourists and city workers. Stan and Kyle are setting up for a wedding shoot on the steps.
KYLE
This exclusive contract is amazing. We've booked every weekend for the next three months.
STAN
Yeah. I still wonder about that device in the dome though.
Kenny arrives, alive again and carrying equipment.
KENNY
(muffled)
Mmph mmph mm mmphmmm? (Translation: Where's Cartman today?)
KYLE
He said he's working on a new video series.
Cartman approaches, wearing a suit and looking surprisingly professional. His "DOME TRUTH" merchandise is gone.
CARTMAN
Good morning, colleagues! Beautiful day to photograph at historic City Hall, isn't it?
STAN
(suspicious)
What happened to your alien conspiracy?
CARTMAN
(unnaturally calm)
Aliens? That's absurd. The dome simply houses San Francisco's original 5G transmitter, installed in 1915 to establish our technological superiority.
Stan and Kyle exchange worried glances.
KYLE
(concerned)
Cartman, are you feeling okay?
CARTMAN
I've never felt better. I've also started eating kale. It's delicious and nutritious.
STAN
(disturbed)
Kale? Oh shit...
They watch as Cartman walks up the steps, stopping briefly to look up at the dome with a blank smile.
KYLE
(whispering)
Remember what the maintenance guy said? About people coming back different?
STAN
(nodding slowly)
And they all started eating kale...
The dome above pulses briefly with blue light, unnoticed by the crowds below. From a window, the Ghost of Diane Feinstein and Mayor McDome watch the boys with matching mysterious smiles.
GHOST OF FEINSTEIN
Another successful... upgrade.
MAYOR McDOME
(nodding)
The dome provides.
FADE TO BLACK
TAG
INT. CITY HALL ROTUNDA - EVENING
Randy is leading a tour group, all wearing tinfoil hats.
RANDY
(importantly)
And this concludes my "Five-Gography" tour of City Hall! Remember, my photo book "Dome Energy: The 5G Aesthetic" is available in the gift shop for just $49.99!
Stan watches in embarrassment as tourists eagerly buy Randy's books.
RANDY
(to Stan)
I'm a pioneer, Stan! The first 5G fine art photographer! Next week I'm starting 6G photography!
STAN
(sighing)
Dad, 6G doesn't exist yet.
RANDY
(winking)
That's what they WANT you to think!
As Randy walks away, a tiny antenna briefly extends from his tinfoil hat, blinking with a blue light similar to the dome's glow.
STAN
Oh shit...
FADE TO BLACK
END CREDITS
DOME FACT: San Francisco City Hall's dome is gold-plated and modeled after St. Peter's Basilica in Rome... OR IS IT?